An appalling amount of time has elapsed since I last wrote. My sincerest apologies! Sometimes life gets in the way, like the one movie-goer that sits right in front of you half way through the opening credits; whose head blocks your enjoyment of a perfectly hysterical Christopher Walken movie. But it happens to the best of us, or so I'm told.
Lately I've been thinking about decisions. If you haven't heard, you have to make a lot of them in life. And especially in wedding planning, you have to make a lot of tough ones. We thought we were clever, getting all of the difficult decisions out of the way early. Within a week of being engaged, we had decided when and where to get married and who to do the job. We even found someone to photograph this little happening. We patted ourselves on the back with self-confidence and reassurance that the toughest parts were over. He had asked. I had said yes. The ring was re-sized, and the color scheme picked. The hardest tasks were done.
Not. Even. Close. Being engaged is the most demanding thing I have ever experienced. It's fun and heartwarming because of the excitement and the love.It has been an opportunity for me to talk to people I haven't spoken to in a long time. People congratulate us even if we don't know them. It is the most well-wishing you will ever experience. But it is also ridiculously difficult. It requires a clear head, and to an extent, a clear sense of self. It requires flexibility, and strength.
One thing that struck me was the dress. I had picked out a short dress from Modcloth (previously mentioned on this here blog!), and was excited for my "vintage re-vamp" styled wedding. But the classic ivory dress secretly nagged at me. When I first got engaged about a million people jumped down my throat about what my dress would look like, when I'd get it, who would go shopping for it with me. And ever conversation would inevitably end with "You'll have to show me some pictures!" The interest was flattering; but the needling, nagging, and over advising that can occur when people try to be supportive was just too much. I made it known that I had picked a short, casual dress, and that I was perfectly fine with that.
And I was fine with that. For a number of months. My short almond-ivory dress hung in my closet, the brown shoes to match it stood waiting in the corner. Sweet, neat, and zero trouble involved. But it wasn't until I went to my brother's wedding, and saw how beautiful my sister-in-law looked in her dress that I began to feel that nagging feeling. I spent a good few weeks deeply concerned and confused. I didn't want to get a typical wedding dress because I felt I should, or that it was necessary to have a nice wedding. But I didn't want to miss out on something I truly wanted just because I didn't want the hassle. There are many off-beat things I wouldn't regret about our wedding, but I knew this wasn't one of them.
After great consideration, I decided to go dress shopping. That was one of the first truly big decisions I made while helping plan our wedding. Even when I went with my mum and soon-to-be mum, I was forced to re-evaluate my ideas. I had had an idea of the dress that would be right for me. I had expected to go in and try it on, and then try on a few more for kicks and giggles, without really intending to buy the others. I put on the dress that I had planned to get married in, and looked in the mirror to find that it wasn't me looking back. I ended up trying on about seven more dresses just on a whim. There was another one I almost got instead. But the one that became mine was the last one I tried on. It was like everything else good in my life- a total and utter surprise.
I have been reaffirmed in my choices time and time again. My fiance has been steadfast through this entire experience. He has been my support, my friend, my jester, and my solace. He's the true definition of a partner, and he spends everyday showing me that I made the right choice. The dress may change, or the hall might not be big enough. You might be redoing seating charts until your eyeballs fall out of your head. But as long as you are willing to go where you feel led as a couple, your decisions will always be right. If there's anything I've learned so far, it's that the best things in life may not always be free, but they're not something you can plan in the end anyway.